I think the plan to blog more and keep track of life will need some revision to it to perhaps casual blogging as and when I am able to update. I never thought work could take away so much from you but wow, not even a year has passed but I feel like so much changed. Emotion wise, it feels like I have felt more in these few months of working than my entire three years of hectic university life; from being stressed to anxious to happy and it changes rapidly from one to another, leaving me drained by the end of the day. Gone are the days where I could simply take a day off from everything because I woke up feeling like it’s a good day to be carefree. I obviously love my work because there’s so much to learn and discover daily and it’s exciting despite the crazy workload. I like how working is also a platform for me to continuously learn something new daily, exploring and creating more room for self-improvement.
One thing I realized, working in a fast paced environment requires me to make a good judgement on when to stop and give myself some time to readjust.
It can be overwhelming at times, emotionally it can be exhausting too which is why it’s important to not let it get to you.
I remember the first two month of work I just could not even function when work came from all sides. I would be stressed out, figuring out how do I finish this and get it right. I don’t even know if work life balance existed for me at that time. But as time pass by, I learn that when a huge workload comes your way you got to take a moment to restructure everything before you start. It really helps with the panic attacks that happens frequently when you’re chasing deadlines. If your mind is stuck, take a break. I know, it feels so absurd to be taking a break when you have so much to do and so little time. But, I figured out that taking a break do help. Yes, it does. I had this work I needed to do within a timeline which required me to learn from scratch and I took days to work on it, but it was more like just generally understanding the work instead of actually doing it because I was stuck at the same question of how do I do this. It was after I gave myself a break from it entirely, allowed myself to think of other things before coming back to the same question that I managed to unwind myself from the position I was stuck.
However, I do have to admit that I’m still working on coping with the emotional roller coaster rides. I could go from being sad to stress within seconds it’s crazy. Anxiety visits me quite often since I started this new phase of life. Sometimes I feel like juggling between work, family and myself takes up so much I barely have time for social life. There are days I feel so alone, struggling to cope with all this myself. But I know, I have so many people around me to turn to for support which is such a huge comfort for me.
I think this may sound odd, but I am going to say it anyway.
Growing up, being an adult is not as glorious as we all thought it would be. There are of course the sweetness in it, entering different phases in life but one thing for sure is the responsibilities to carry grow as your age increases. And experiencing all this leave an entirely different impact than simply knowing it. Although I do admit that it is in this process that I learn about myself a lot. Slowly in this process I get to know myself, how I am as a person, understanding my own needs, expectations and capabilities. Of course there are also days where I just wish I can be married with six kids in a cute little home, far away from all this hectic city life but not too far to a point that I disconnect from the world totally, waking up to my partner and having random talks about anything and not having to worry much about things in life. Then there are also days I wish I could drop everything and be somebody else, like a textile designer or something. But reality now isn’t so bad too and I am grateful as it is for the constant blessings. I guess that’s what growing up do to you. It makes you discover what is it you want out of life and all your different priorities.