Some of you have been asking me lately how I’m doing . If you asked me the same question the first few days it happened, I would have given you no answer. Instead you’ll see lots and lots of tears. But that was the first few days. Not anymore. So here’s my answer now 🙂
Yes, many of us have tasted loss, pain and hurt. I admit that it is painful, it hurts when you realize it’s the end. The chapter written for 3 years plus found its ending unexpectedly and so I felt a lot; confusion, lost, pain, shock. But that isn’t the end of the world. You still breathe the air like you always do. Somehow you’ll learn to get your appetite back because you need to live. The sun still rise every day and you still do what you need to do. It would be weird to say this when it’s over only recently but I am indeed coping fine on my own. I wouldn’t say that I could forget but only because I don’t see why I should erase those memories. Not that it is easy, yes sometimes you think about all those happy days and you do get sad thinking how it’ll never be that way anymore. But it doesn’t hurt me to think about it. Because I choose not to see it as something hurtful.
Instead, I see this as something that wasn’t meant to be. Although it ended quite terribly, that doesn’t mean that I hated the person he became. I still remember all the first experiences I learned from us, how I constantly pushed my limits so I won’t always be in my comfort zone and along the way, thanks to him I have gained so much. I learned to be confident, to take responsibilities and I learned how to love and prioritize. A mistake on his part, although what he did was wrong doesn’t mean that I forget all that he’s done previously. I consider this as what I would say it is what it is meant to be nor do I blame him for what happened.
No, I don’t fill myself with hatred of what’s been done. And trust me, I know the pain you feel when you realize things you don’t want to know wishing that it isn’t true. But in the end, hating will only hurt you more. When a person gets hurt, they need to heal not continue fighting their way round. How do you heal yourself when you have so much anger? So much hatred? Some might feel that I’m stupid for letting this go. But choosing to walk away when there’s so much you could have said and done shows how strong you are because what’s important is not the blame game anymore, but it is to protect your own heart from the pain. I forgive, because in the end why go through the trouble of hating a person and torturing yourself every time you see him feeling like you shouldn’t talk to him. It’s you not anybody else that will feel the pain so why do that to yourself? Let go instead, forgive and pray for better days. I have learnt to love, gave my all and do all that while I grow as a person. In the end, I have no regrets because I know I did my best.
So if you were in my shoe trying to find the logic behind my reason – ask yourself, why drown yourself in sorrow, pain and resentment when you have a choice to make it better? Is it worth it to wallow in misery and spend ages on hating others when during that time you could do many great things that lift you up? The pain you feel, it is because you want it to be there. Don’t hold on to it. Let yourself breathe, be happy and find the little things that matter to you.
People often say they need to escape from all the pain weighing them down, but to me every day when I wake up that’s my escape from yesterday. And I choose to appreciate all the other good things that happens in life instead of letting myself drown.
You think you had it bad, but the truth is what we feel is nothing compared to some of the challenges people face in this world. So don’t ever think that it’s over. Your life, it’s not over. And while you cry because you feel that it’s not the same without him, you can’t live without the other person, God is crying by your side because He would never put you in so much pain unless it is for the better.
So, today I’m letting you know that I’m fine and I’m taking it in one day at a time with laughter, smiles and more laughter 🙂