Family and wishes

I wonder sometimes what it’s like to have many siblings, a big family living together under one roof. Every time I see my mother and her siblings catch up and talk non-stop for hours, visiting from one house to another and together they work to take care of their father, I kept thinking how nice it is to have a big family. Coming from a family with only 2 older brother, it gets a bit lonely at times. Of course when we were younger, we siblings fight almost every other week; some arguments brutal than usual. But now that we’re older, it hits me when I realize I only see my brothers during dinner and even then, some days they are not around for dinner as well. I’m so used to seeing them on daily basis like when we were younger it actually makes me sad that we spend less and less time together as a family. And it gets even lonelier when I’m the only girl in the family. I’ve always learned how to adapt to my brothers’ interest instead of expecting them to understand me because it’s easier that way. Growing up, I constantly learn to enjoy watching action movies instead of chick lit dramas. But I never regret involving myself in their lives because it made me feel like I’m part of the team. There are days though that I have things on my mind, problems I would love to share but I couldn’t say it since they’ve never listened to my issues. In a way, growing up, I felt a lot of emotions but I didn’t share them with my family and it felt so lonely to carry them all myself.

Its total opposite when I see the relationship between my mother and her siblings. And I envy that sort of relationship, that chaos and even arguments or the long talks about their worries and problems and joy. It made me wish that when I have a family on my own, I’ll make sure that it never gets quiet in our future home. We’ll have our kids laughter echoing or their screams and cute little arguments or the early morning breakfast rush . It doesn’t matter as long as its not lonely and quiet. I long for a big family and I told myself that I will give each and every one of them lots and lots of love so they’ll always fill my life with happiness. I wouldn’t want to be so engrossed with work that I don’t have time for them, that I won’t be involved with them or be there for them when they need their parents. I want to watch them grow and go through every phase in life, guide them when they need the guidance and understand them when they have different views. I wish to have a family where the kids are not afraid of their father but have so much respect for him. To come back to a family of my own in a place full of love I call home. Isn’t that what we all want in marriage?

But then again, that is if I find my future person 😂 (insyaallah I’m sure He knows best)

If you have siblings who are overlyattached, who always fuss about you and worry about your welfare, never ever brush them off. Appreciate those moments and love them back because you never know when they will leave you and go on with their lives.

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