Eating cereal and thoughts.

There are days when every single memory floods back and all I wanted was to erase that part of my life because everything was perfect for me before it came down crashing like that unexpected tsunami flooding a city. I hate it when its those days. Hate to remember. Hate to even feel. All I wanted is to forget. Because memories like those reminded me of how happy I could be when I love, when I give that extra effort in everything I do, when I had someone to talk to after a long tiring day and that someone to just be there. It reminded me of how childish I could be, how I am firm in my thoughts and yet gentle when loving because you never want to hurt what’s precious to you, reminded of how nice it is to talk about anything and laugh at everything. But above everything else, it reminded me of how simple life could be if everything was fine.

Knowing that there’s no way I’ll look back and open that door again makes me sad because this bittersweet memories was proof that I could love fiercely. If I had a choicd, I still wouldn’t go back because it’ll never be the same anymore. I moved on and looked forward. I don’t even think that I could feel the same way again.

But that doesn’t mean it did not left a scar.

I wish I could forget all of it. So that I’ll be able to remember what’s it like to fall in love with every silly thing and not worry about the mistakes, the pain and loss.

But then I told myself, it was there to make me realize how much I could give when I love and that I should give it to only those that truly matters to me. And not everyone that I love will give as much as I do. And that one day, a person who isn’t family will see me for who I am and still find that I’m worth being a part of them. And that’s what matters. And it’ll all be worth it. And when that time comes, we’ll learn to appreciate what we have and not take things lightly.


Eco & MY

[Put on the environmentalist hat]

Many of us can say the word pollution loud and clear, even know the meaning to it. The basic information like recycling bottles and newspaper, plant trees, no littering and all the small details there is about taking care of our environment based on what I recalled is something we learn during our school days. So why is it that it’s 2017 and we still get news about how our country is failing the mother earth bit by bit?

Implementation and practice.

We have all kinds of technology, we educate our children and provide them the knowledge about environment and yet we lack in daily practices. Before I came to the UK, I was probably just as ignorant about pollution in Malaysia. Yes, I did bits of recycling like the newspapers, clothes, plastic bags and such but that’s about it. It is only after I stayed in the UK then I realize the difference in level of commitments.

While we keep on saying in Malaysia that carpooling helps to reduce all kinds of pollution, we still prefer to drive our own car. Many reasons were given; the traffic is horrible, people need to be mobile so car is essential, there’s no other way besides driving. Some are probably true, but most of the time we tend to give ourself that excuses so we can take the car out for a drive comfortably. The public transport is Malaysia probably isn’t amazing but it is developing quite drastically and to be honest, it’s not bad at all. I remembered how KTM used to be older train coach and you’ll have no ventilation during peak hours (all you smell is people’s sweat) but last summer, I took the KTM and I must say it’s different. It was my first KTM ride after 2 years roughly and I realize the coach are new (or modified perhaps), there’s better air circulation in it too. The LRT on the other hand, is amazing. Apart from some glitches due to bad weather, it did a beautiful job sending me to work comfortably every day. With the rise in better public transportation, Malaysians should learn to change their lifestyle too. There are many people using it currently, but I think the goal is to encourage as many people as possible to shift to public transportation so Malaysia can focus on developing the system rather than building more highways and put up tolls (we’ll run out of spaces to build highways soon if we don’t give public transportation a chance). I really like the idea of commuting, it’s convenient, cheaper and you get to enjoy some time on your own before going to wherever it is you are heading. Countries like the UK, Japan and even most of the European countries have good access to public transportation. So maybe it’s time to learn from them on this too.

Then, there’s the issue of plastic bag bans. No, there is no need to get panicky about it. If others can do it, why can’t Malaysians? Are we truly going to put our convenience first? It’s understandable how going for groceries shopping may be tougher now or getting that takeaways but then, if we don’t start from somewhere we’ll never change. Plastic bags production may be profitable but in the long run it might not last. The world is shifting to a no plastic bag goal, so if you’re in a plastic bag business you should find new ideas, be more creative and adopt the new concept. There are many ways to make money but there is only one planet we can live on. If we can slowly change our habits and lifestyle, I don’t see any problem with less usage of plastic bags. It might take time, let’s be realistic here because we’re talking about changing people and the norm. But hey, there’s always that starting point somewhere right. Maybe slowly we can start bringing our own containers when we pack food or bring our own shopping bag when we do groceries shopping. A foldable trolley bag would be great invention, something that can fit inside the car, reused and lightweight because nobody wants to carry a heavy trolley everywhere. It’s good we’re starting to shift to being less dependent on plastic bags but we must also make sure the access to plastic bags alternatives are they so citizens can use the alternatives.

With a rapid increase in consumption, Malaysia definitely should focus on managing environment right. We need to ensure natural resources are sustained properly for country’s source of income. We need to enforce environment laws so that people obey what they should rightfully do. A recent article by The Star with heading that 1000 acre land was illegally cleared shocked me. It’s not acceptable at all that a land that huge can be cleared illegally without anyone noticing. Enforcement of law is the key here as well as nurturing ourselves at citizens of Malaysia. Apart from education system, engaging environmental issues is probably one of the primary target areas we should focus on as well. The environment not only acts as a source of income, it contributes to health and wellbeing of our citizen, influence tourism industry and many other factors. It’s time for Malaysians to hold their hands together and think about sustaining a healthy environment.

This is a friendly reminder to all Malaysians (including me!) to be more attentive towards mother nature, to continuously educate yourselves about the environment and your surrounding and of course to help shape a better Malaysia.

New year resolutions?

It’s the new year and of course i start thinking about what I want to achieve this year (mind you, the list goes on and on). While I’m here at the airport waiting for my flight to Seville instead of happily watching fireworks like some of you, I thought why not blog something that’s on my mind. But first you have to keep in mind that if any of the sentence does not make sense or I’m jumping from one topic to another, that’s because I’m half asleep and trying hard to be asleep but I can’t because well, the airport isn’t really the best place to sleep comfortably. I’ll just keep on blogging and typing until my eyes hopefully is tired enough.

My resolution for 2017; I don’t know the first thing that comes to mind is how lucky for us to be doing countdowns and watch fireworks or simply starting your new year on your bed, sleeping happily with your loved ones. But it makes me sad to also know that while most of us are doing countdowns for new year, there are people around the world that is counting the minutes of peace they have before they continue fight for their lives. It’s so sad to know that while we are happily tucked in by our parents tonight after new year celebration, there are children out there wandering around to find shelter and to just survive another day. There were so much tears, death and sufferings in 2016, I don’t know if we deserve to light up the fireworks. I keep going round and round thinking about what I should do when half the world is in pain but here I am living. I couldn’t find an answer except to pray for them and help with the little things I’m able to provide. But I know deep down, it’s not enough. I wish I could do more and this, this is a question I’ll keep on asking myself for the rest of 2017. My resolution for 2017 is for the world to be at peace, to love and give more among us. I wish for the world to be filled with humanity and respect for each other, to save the earth rather than destroy it. I hope, I sincerely hope that more people are able to watch the sun rise with relieve knowing that they don’t have to fight for their lives anymore. I hope that families are able to build a home together with their kids and not worry about being separated by force. But the most important thing is that I do hope more people are able to greet the day with a smile and not start it with tears.

How will this goal be achieved? I have no idea. You tell me.

I do have other resolutions for 2017; some of it includes getting a degree, hopefully secure a job, be healthy (eat veggie mission is going well so let’s try to keep that going) and I don’t know most of it are just general goals that come up along the way and some long term goals. I tend to not set too many goals and be specific with the directions of my life because we never know what’s going to happen. As for now, I’m just thinking about how I should study hard and get the degree, be more involved in helping others and just live to see what the day has to offer. I’m hoping to see more of the world, love fiercely and protect what is mine.

I had a thought about how it’s 2017 and what 22 years of being alive did to me. So I asked myself how would I define myself? This is the 22 year old me defining (or is it 23 now?)

– I know now for sure that I’m probably bad at getting angry. When the feeling is too overwhelming instead of getting angry I just do something else. It’s like my brains are ready to say everything I’m angry about but my heart just flip. I don’t know if this is good or a bad thing ( probably the latter )

– I’m such a softie! Nah no explanation needed. It’s just who I am.

– I’m easily impressed but also easily unimpressed. It really depends. On what, I’m not sure.

– I’m not really a person comfortable to get to know someone when in a group, I prefer talking on a personal approach. Even when it comes to work. It’s so much easier!

– I don’t know sometimes I feel I have too much emotions but they’re just there, remain unsaid. Or maybe its too much of a work to speak about what I feel.

– I need a support system. On my own, I’m clumsy and I have bad sense of direction. I get lost easily and my daily life consist of clumsy events (thank god for google maps and speedy wifi)

– I find it comforting talking to people who hardly knows me. Its with them I can really pour out my feelings (used to do that when I was younger, not anymore though although I really wish I did)

– My eyesight is getting baaaad. I can’t see without my specs now !! Not a good thing and not too happy about it too.

– This year will be the year that Nad finally drive and make use of her driving license. But friends, always use public transport whenever you can because you not only save money, you save the environment as well!

– if there’s anything that’s constant its me and my books, knitting, sewing and sleeping. And oh my dramas and animes and tv shows.

– I think I’m more of a skirt and boots and dress person. Can hardly pull off any other look or maybe because it’s not really me.

– 22 years and I’ve never had anything pierced. I henna my hair auburn though if that counts but its still totally virgin hair.

– I appreciate sushi, noodles and chinese cuisine any day. It makes me happy to know that these food exist.

Okay, what else ? Oh yes, I wish to take more photos in 2017, capture precious moments and use more film cameras because theyre the best to capture memories. I’m bringing my lomo camera as well as a disposable single use camera for this trip along with my usual Olympus film and mirrorless. Can’t wait to experiment and get it printed and recall back about the trip from the photos later on. Don’t you feel like using films are actually sort of like a gift to yourself? You snap something but you can’t see if it’s perfect or not, then you develop it and get a little too excited to see the outcome. Yup, totally a gift to your ownself.

So this is it. My eyes are getting heavy. May the odds be with you in 2017. Wish for good things and only good things. Never let go of what you wish for and never ever let others break you. You get to live another day, that means you have another day to work hard so you can achieve your goals. There’s probably some other things I want to say but maybe another time. Here’s to a good year!