There are days when every single memory floods back and all I wanted was to erase that part of my life because everything was perfect for me before it came down crashing like that unexpected tsunami flooding a city. I hate it when its those days. Hate to remember. Hate to even feel. All I wanted is to forget. Because memories like those reminded me of how happy I could be when I love, when I give that extra effort in everything I do, when I had someone to talk to after a long tiring day and that someone to just be there. It reminded me of how childish I could be, how I am firm in my thoughts and yet gentle when loving because you never want to hurt what’s precious to you, reminded of how nice it is to talk about anything and laugh at everything. But above everything else, it reminded me of how simple life could be if everything was fine.
Knowing that there’s no way I’ll look back and open that door again makes me sad because this bittersweet memories was proof that I could love fiercely. If I had a choicd, I still wouldn’t go back because it’ll never be the same anymore. I moved on and looked forward. I don’t even think that I could feel the same way again.
But that doesn’t mean it did not left a scar.
I wish I could forget all of it. So that I’ll be able to remember what’s it like to fall in love with every silly thing and not worry about the mistakes, the pain and loss.
But then I told myself, it was there to make me realize how much I could give when I love and that I should give it to only those that truly matters to me. And not everyone that I love will give as much as I do. And that one day, a person who isn’t family will see me for who I am and still find that I’m worth being a part of them. And that’s what matters. And it’ll all be worth it. And when that time comes, we’ll learn to appreciate what we have and not take things lightly.