Spring break has finally started, although it’s not exactly a holiday season for me – how can you relax when you have 7 papers to think about & interviews to prepare for?
Putting that aside, I would definitely appreciate some rest after a hectic term. Everything has been all over the place and I didn’t even have time for myself. Since my finals is coming soon, I’m thankful that I’ve completed all my other responsibilities and can now focus fully on my exams. I’m done with my internship (yay!) and there’s only small bits of work for other roles. This will definitely give me more time to focus on exams. Thank god too that I won’t be travelling for long because to be honest I wouldn’t know what to feel if I did.
Apart from university life which gives me 100 kinds of stress but also motivation, I think my emotions have been a mess recently. I know I sound like a spoilt child wanting to be home but I do have my reasons. Part of me understood the importance of me staying put and not adding to the burden, but another part of me wishes that I could be home when times aren’t the best. I mean how do you even be happy when the people you love are fighting battles? But I guess, being here on my own is a battle in a way because showing strength and giving the support while making it feel that it’ll all be alright requires a lot too especially when you’re alone here. If it were for me, I would drop everything and leave. But I know they wouldn’t want that so I keep telling myself ‘you gotta be strong for the people you love, Nad’ even if that means choosing their choice over your reasons.
And of course emotionally it gets messy sometimes for me. I think too much about everything, about how things have changed for me and how several occassions in my life that truly changed me in a way that I didn’t really like. I wish it didn’t affect me in a way that it did, but it did and I’m working on it. I keep surpressing my feelings because I feel that it doesn’t make any difference somehow. And when it gets too tough to bear, I sleep it off hoping it’ll go away. It’s not exactly a plus point that I find it difficult to cry even when I’m overwhelmed with feelings, but in order to cope I keep asking god to give me the strength, to be my anchor.
But there are times I find the people I love to talk about things or to just listen to what they are up to. In a way it helps me to find the strength I needed, even if temporary. I think things happened in life got me thinking twice about trusting and find comfort in other’s protection. I tend to just drown in my own worries and although its a lonely, lonely feeling I just don’t know how to bring myself to take the next step. So in the end, I only find temporary comfort in those I truly love as friends, not expecting them to even hear me out or understand but just to share some good laughs because it makes my heart smile a little that way.
I think in this life, we never know what’s going to happen. The people who love you, appreciate them and take good care of them. Make time for those who are important to you, give chances because you never know if they’ll leave before they had the chance to tell you what they wanted to. I know we all have been through some difficult situation in life, but give as much love as possible to others. We all have our own battles to fight, the least we could do it to make it bearable for each other.
And like a strong person we all are, never give up in believing because all the things that happened in life has its own reason for happening.