Twenty two and a half

If you ask me ten years ago how I see myself at the age of twenty three, I wouldn’t know what to say. . Or maybe I would say something like ‘on my way becoming a doctor’ since that was my dream when I was younger; taking care of children and elderly. I definitely did not see myself at the age of twenty three still at 153cm, not much difference from when I was in high school. I kid you not, I used to be one of the tallest kids in primary school but sadly those prime moments only lasted for a few years. Twenty three; one moment it feels just like a number but when you think again, oh man that’s how old you are. That’s two decades breathing in this world and soon before you even realize it, you’ll hit your third decade. I want to say that I still feel young but when I look around, I honestly feel old already. But it also means that the past twenty years or so have given me so much learning experience and the chance to grow. From a young ignorant girl who only knows how to have fun and study when necessary, I learned to be attentive of my surrounding. I learned to put myself in other people’s situation before judging them and respect that everyone is different and am entitled to their own opinion. I learned the hard way that when you love, you cannot expect the other person to love as much as you do because not everyone, even the important ones put you first before themselves. I still find it difficult to understand the reasons to this but I also know that as you grow older, the society has a certain expectation of you that you have to deliver. But that doesn’t mean you have to follow society’s expectation. Being different is not always a bad thing, as long as you know what you’re doing.

At the age of twenty three, I must say that despite not achieving as much as other human beings I am thankful that I’ve been given so much opportunities to develop myself and achieve my personal goals. I am thankful to be raised by a family that understands individuality rather than shaping me to their idealistic expectations. One thing about my family is that we are our own person and we are all different yet we  understand each other so well. Which brings me to my personal motivations at this age and what drives me to constantly challenge myself with something bigger.

When you’re younger, some of the things you do is because you just have to but now that you’re older, you find meaning in everything that you do. And that’s why it’s important to find the meaning in whatever you do because that will be your motivation to strive even when there’s a million challenges ahead of you. It can be as simple as survival, the will to continue living in this world or as complex as doing it for million other reasons. As for me, I believe in the greater good. I believe that my faith taught me to always have good values in whatever I do be it about my personal goals, my reasons, or even the way I treat the world. My motivation is the people I love and value; those who have left, still with me or even for the people that will be in my future. Here’s a funny thought I had when I was younger – the reason why I am so afraid of eating pills or putting anything in my body that goes through my bloodstream is because one day it will be this same body that carries children (ha laugh all you want but I am a girl and obviously I want kids, lots of them in fact) so I tend to always worry if it has any effect to my body that will affect my pregnancy one day. Of course if it’s meant to be then its fine but I didn’t want to bring a life to this world knowing that I could have done better so that they see the world in a perfect condition. Apart from that wild creative imagination I have, my motivations are the principals I hold dear. As you grow older you learn to have principals that you follow and this all comes down to how your upbringing is. I am motivated to stand by my principals that I have learned all my life and hopefully continue to do so in the future.

Now that I’m twenty three, I learn that some things we have to let go even if it hurts so bad to allow better things to come by our way. I learn that we cannot judge a person so easily but rather understand their story first before forming any perception. I know now that barriers are there to help us grow as a person, not to demotivate us and break our spirit. It’s meant to make us stronger. I also learn that no matter how much or how long you love a person, if they want to leave, you have to let them go because there’s no point holding dearly onto somebody that wishes to leave. I learn to forgive because forgiveness means freedom and you’ll never be free of your demons unless you forgive the people around you, yourself and also constantly seek forgiveness from the Almighty.

Now if you ask me how I’d imagine my life at the age of thirty, I wouldn’t even know anymore what to say. All these years taught me to not have any expectations anymore of the things we cannot control and let God guide us accordingly instead. But one thing I know is that, in whatever we do or anything that we have to face in this world, always remember our reasons and motivations.

Ask yourself what are your reasons to wake up every morning and do the things that you do. The answer is
somewhere in your heart and you know it. You just forget all about it sometimes.


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