positive gestures

It’s been two months since I’m home for good and I realized that being away for three years taught me some things I never noticed before this. This isn’t a post about being overseas is better than Malaysia. I truly love home to be honest and I know it for sure that we can go further with some improvement on our social culture and values. We don’t have to live abroad to be in an ideal environment, we can always create one for our society and future children.

It can be an act that is as simple as holding the door for the next person to come in after you. I used to just push the door open and walk off without looking back. Little did I know that it’s considered impolite in some countries. So I learned to hold the door and look back to give a brief smile to the person behind me. Also, to make sure that the door doesn’t slam into the person’s face. I actually had that before, the door slamming at my face because the person just walked off. A simple gesture such as that could definitely prevent someone from injuries and it shows that we could be caring even to strangers. Such polite manners are golden.

My personal favorite gesture is how amazing the customer service is when I’m abroad. People give simple greetings and smile cheerfully before attending to your needs is something I really appreciated. It can definitely make you feel better about your day when you go inside a cafe for your morning coffee fix, greeted by a cheerful barista asking about your day or just commenting about the weather or even how you look! It probably make you feel like you should grab few muffins on your way out simply because you;re off to a happy start.

And the simplest thing of it all, discarding rubbish at the place they should be instead of littering. We take it for granted here in Malaysia by throwing rubbish everywhere or doing it in an unhygienic manner. I’ve seen people throwing plastic bags of rubbish with liquid dripping from the plastic all the way. It gives off unpleasant odor and not to mention attract all kinds of insects. I think cleanliness reflects a lot about your values. How you keep yourself and your surrounding clean is important. It’s so easy to throw your rubbish in a proper manner at a designated space provided for rubbish. It also helps the people in charge of collecting rubbish to do it efficiently and without any problems. I know for sure that I would hate collecting rubbish that’s poorly discarded, I feel it’s only right that other people don’t have to do what I disliked.

Then, there’s also the part where people take those who work in public services with respect and adoration. I personally love thanking the bus driver because I know that working as a bus driver with all the hectic schedule and crazy traffic during peak hours can be stressful. Showing your gratitude, telling them a simple thank you would make them feel better about their job. Sometimes, we tend to forget that people can get tired of doing their work repetitively, especially if you’re stuck sitting doing work on your desk for hours non-stop. Before raising your voice to complain and make a scene, consider yourself to be in their shoes. Yes, you may address the problem but that doesn’t give you the right to verbally abuse them. It’s crucial that we learn to address mistakes in a proper manner. Mistakes does not give us the right to disrespect people and this is what we Malaysians should practice more.

I love the working culture abroad, I’m not saying that for all workplace. I’m sure there are bad working culture abroad too but mine was simply lovely. Of course, the workload, the stress and problems are part of working life but what I enjoy is how I converse with my colleagues. We would talk about the current issues, the five cat my colleague takes care, the general election, the weather, exciting weekend trips, many interesting ongoing things about our lives and what I realize is the lack of gossip, be it about people we know our celebrities gossips. It gave me a new perspective about conversation, like there’s a broad range of topics we can talk about during small talks instead of discussing who’s cheating on who this week. People are polite and they respect your privacy as well as your time.

There’s more than just this but this are some of the examples I could think of. I’m sure there are many Malaysians practicing good social values and even do more than the basics. But it’s also sad to see how some people are still being verbally abused and spoken to with much disrespect. It’s distasteful to see how people would stare with no shame at something humiliating instead of lending a hand.

I honestly think giving out positive vibes is something we Malaysians take for granted. It’s so easy and if we could practice it more often, I’m quite sure that we’ll be able to agree on many things and bring the country forward and prosper in more than one way.

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Remembering you.

I’ve been caught up with family matters for the past few months and I know the routine by heart already now. As I was doing my rounds to check everything is in order and the doors are locked, I walked pass by my parents  bedroom. With the room door slightly open, dark and empty the house suddenly felt so quiet. I feel so alone. Staring at this computer, I wanted to blog something here about what I feel but then it’s all messed up . I took some time to think of a suitable way to express my thoughts and realized that the best way is to remind myself of  the memories I share with my dad. I want to remember the memories, and all the feelings that came with it. I’ll visit every memory I have with him and walk through it one by one hoping that I’ll never lose it.

I don’t think I can recall the first few years of my life but I remembered the day I started kindergarten. As a child, it probably is frightening to be in a crowd of strangers. I guess despite the excitement, I was also afraid of being alone in a class surrounded by people I don’t know. I can’t remember how it happened but I knew my dad sent me to the class on my first day.  It was all good until he left. The moment I looked back and see that he is not outside of my classroom, I cried so bad all I wanted was to go home. The teachers had to call him back and when he came back, standing there it was all fine again. I felt safe. It went on for two weeks. I don’t remember exactly how many days but I knew he accompanied me every day and I would learn in class and look back every few minutes or so. Every time I looked back, he was there smiling and just standing there looking at what I was doing. Even when I think about it today, I can tell how I felt back then. I felt safe knowing that my dad was there looking after me and he’s just a few steps away.

Another time when I was in kindergarten as well, there was this concert and I had to dance chinese dance. I was dolled up in my cheongsam and red lipstick. Although I can’t remember the dance or who my partner was, I remembered looking at the audience finding my parents. The moment I saw them, standing by the door because there wasn’t any places left and it was so crowded but they were still there, I smiled happily. During the closing ceremony, we played Christina Aguilera’s song ‘I turn to you’ and it still got me all teary up til today because I remembered how they were being squeezed by other audience just to be there for my performance.

I remember the days when we would go to Lake Garden cycling and have picnics after. I was still using the tricycle and dad would be cycling by my side making sure that I don’t fall. Oh, there’s this one trip we went together which I think was one of the few outings I did only with my dad; a visit to the National Museum. I recalled seeing this huge crocodile and I asked my dad if it was real because it looked so real I thought the crocodile was alive! It was also the first time I learned about our culture and the ‘kampung’ life. I can’t recall any activities similar to this one, it’s probably the only museum I’ve ever visited with my dad. Dad was a strict person. He gets annoyed easily if things are not as how it expects it to be. The family would often argue because of the differences but he always wanted the best for us. I know he shows his love in ways that sometimes nobody understands. He gets protective to the point that it’s frustrating but only because he loves his children. We used to watch TV shows after dinner together and I often fall asleep halfway because I get sleepy so easily. Dad would usually carry me upstairs then and put me to sleep. Sometimes I was half awake but I let him carry and tuck me in anyway before dozing off.

Between all the memories, one thing I’ll always remember is how dad accompanied me to the sea every single time we visited the beach. I love the beach although I can’t swim. I like being in water and just watch the waves. I wasn’t afraid of drowning, probably because every time the tide pulled me, I would find my dad’s hands and hold onto them. Even when the tide pulled me and I lost my balance, dad’s hands would magically pull me back up. We had so much fun when we were younger, my siblings and I especially when we’re at the beach.

So much memories, so much feelings attached to it as well. There were also a lot of fights and tears. I was a difficult child. I wanted freedom, but my dad was always worried of my safety. He is so used of protecting his only daughter that even when I’m old, he would do his best to take care of me. He’s the one person that I could be in the same space and not talk for a long time but never gets awkward, just a comfortable sort of silence. I never really understood his way of loving but as I grow older, I learned to read between the lines or in his case, his attitude. He never knew how to raise a daughter so he kept me as sheltered as possible. He made sure that I had everything I needed, including discipline and manners. He tried his best to make sure that I don’t have to go any hardships while I was growing up . He made lots of mistakes as a father, but I know that being a father doesn’t come with a manual. He got me angry, sad, happy and all kinds of feelings before and despite not being a perfect father, he was the father I needed. He loved in his own ways and did his best to be part of the children’s lives.

I tweeted not long ago about how I felt hopeless and yet still very hopeful. I feel hopeless in a way that I cannot help him be better but I am hopeful, hopeful to God for him to be safe and return back to being healthy. I wish that my kids would one day have the chance to meet dad and have the privilege of being loved by him just as how he loves me. He taught me that as a child, we don’t choose our parents and we learn how to adapt to their ways. He also taught me that a father is also human who does mistakes and have flaws of their own. And for that, I would forgive him for his unintentional mistakes and love him always in my own way too.

the kind of love

Malaysia have been all kinds of excited for the past few weeks with daily SEA Games tournaments, royal wedding bells, the one sports where my Instagram feed was full of Brunei prince photos, loud cheer of our fellow citizens in stadiums, celebrating our 60th Independence Day, closing the vibrant excitement with public holidays and Eid Adha celebration. And yes, this week we won’t be having our usual Monday blues post because we declared a public holiday for the outstanding amount of gold medals we won from the SEA Games this year!

As for me, it’s not my usual quiet stay at home kind of Eid celebration this time because my aunties and uncles came for a visit. It’s always nice to have them around  but I rarely see them as they live in Singapore. They came down on Thursday with delicious home made food such as pulut kuning, sambal sotong, sambal goreng pengantin and a few other traditional dishes. We had a feast on eve of Eid with all these home made dishes combined with mom’s lovely cooking. But what really made me smile is how noisy the house was. There were laughter, voices chattering away and everyone just gather to catch up on each others’ lives. On Eid Adha, I brought my aunties to the mosque for Eid Adha prayers and I had tears while I was making my du’as because I couldn’t go to the mosque for Eid this year with mom and this was the next best feeling, to be there with people I cherish. These past four days was such a lovely time with my family, especially having my aunties to help in the kitchen, learning new recipes from them, listening to their random stories about everything and life advice on family and relationships. I’ve always loved a house that’s full of lives. Coming from a small family and us siblings went our own path while I was still young, I always find it lonely to be home and not able to do things I want to with my siblings because when I was just about to have enough guts to take the roller coasters, my siblings were already over that phase, making serious decisions that life demanded from them. So, times like this are ones I truly treasure and this visit made me reflect on a few things I’d like to share with you, not only about families but with relationships and friendships.

I know you want to be rational and wise, but trust me to a certain extent it is important to live your life with no regrets in relationships. When I sent them off today it really hit me that in a few years time, they might just leave one day and there won’t be anymore aunties visiting, bringing them shopping until I can barely walk. It also got me thinking about how my dad is unwell and nothing is clear with his condition. It only made me want to hold on to those who are dear to me more than ever now. Growing up, I used to argue for time with others. I would cry and get angry if they want me to spend time at home instead of going on a camping trip. I often keep my feelings to myself, but open up to the rest of the world because at one point I felt like family don’t understand me. But as time passed by, slowly time with family became so precious to me, especially since I left home for college and not seeing them on daily basis made me closer to them in a way. My family, we’re not used to expressing our love in words to each other. It’s also one of the reasons why I’m not really good at expressing my emotions in words but more in my actions. I’ve never really said the word I love you to them but we understood each other, in a way that only we can. We would hug briefly when one of us leaves and when we’re not caught up with work, we would just sit and talk about our thoughts or anything at all. The kind of love we share is the kind that is in our actions rather than words.  We may think that our family don’t love us enough, but the truth is it’s all in their actions. It’s how they wake up early in the morning everyday and prepare our breakfast. It’s love when they get worried about us, but they say it in ways that we might get annoyed or frustrated because we want to go out. Their love for us is in their prayers when they pray to Allah to bless and protect us even when they won’t be here to guide us anymore.

And as for relationships and friendships, treat them as sincerely as possible. Be brutally honest but in a nice way. Avoid useless arguments and fights on things that is not significant. If it’s harmful, let it go. We got to accept the fact that not everyone would love us the way we want them to and not everyone would even like us for who we are. It’s perfectly fine to have a small circle of friends, but what matters is how they make you feel. And yes, not all relationships find happy endings. But work on your relationships together anyway and try your hardest because you can’t just give up without trying. Believe in happy endings, they exist. Only it might not be a bed of roses but rather, an adventure.

I was told to find love that makes you feel loved through actions, not words or romantic gestures. Some love are not spoken loudly for the world to know, but only to be felt and understood by yourself. And that kind of love is enough, trust me. That kind of love and happiness will make you content with what little time you have in this world. I know now I don’t want to live tomorrow if I have to let go of something precious without even having the chance to love them.

Join me?

Degree done and dusted, now what ?

Time to read more ! (read as: sleep). On a serious note, I’ve been reading and researching on environment management in Malaysia since I came back and found lots of interesting changes that’s happening in our beloved country.

From where I live, which is quite near to the capital city I’ve seen many changes regarding environmental awareness compared to when I was young. More shops and malls are adopting the no plastic bag regulation and a fee is charged for plastic bags to discourage customers from using plastic bags. We are also slowly moving towards renewable energy, in particular installing solar panels at homes and in buildings. I’ve had the opportunity recently to watch a video of our nation’s energy supplier, TNB on their vision and future direction. I must say that the direction our energy industry is moving towards do seem to be promising in regards to our efforts in practicing sustainable development. Putting aside corporate businesses, I’ve also seen changes among our citizens. With the new and upgraded public transportation system, more and more of our citizens are using the public transport and utilizing the facilities available instead of using their own transport. I have no doubts that the public transportation system have a lot to do still especially in terms of making it accessible for people living far away from the train stations. I believe the bus routes and system too has to be upgraded to make this possible. Nonetheless, it is good to see that we are developing in the right direction to encourage energy conservation and reduction in pollution. Being in the capital, I am accustomed to our famous daily traffic jams that can usually go on for hours. This, again calls for efforts to reduce the usage of cars as mean of transportation in the city. I would love to make bicycle as an option but to be honest, I will probably think twice (or maybe more) about riding a bicycle to go for meeting at 3 in the afternoon. The sun here in Malaysia is unbelievable! It’s summer all year long and if it isn’t shinning bright, it’ll be raining so heavily. Therefore, although I love the concept of bicycle as a mode of transportation similar to the practice of other countries, I must say that we must be realistic. I doubt I want to arrive for a meeting looking all sweaty and extra shiny face with melted make ups, might scare people away instead. But with the new strategy brought in by Uber and Grabcar, we are an app away from having a car at our disposal. The problem with our usual taxis is that it did have issues with accessibility. Not all areas have taxis waiting around for us, especially in the housing area. Then we also have the issue of taxi with metres and without which creates a negative impression on the taxi provider. If these issues could be solved and the level of efficiency is up to the standards set by Uber and Grabcar, then I don’t see any reason why it shouldn’t be just as good. The only worry is that in terms of regulation especially safety and insurance coverage, Uber and Grabcar in Malaysia still need to work on that to eliminate the loopholes. This way, we can promote carpooling, reduce the amount of cars entering the city, pay unbelievable parking tickets, save more energy and create jobs for people!

There are so much positive changes in Malaysia and I am happy to see our country moving towards a green and sustainable direction. Having said that, there is still a lot that has to be done too. From the different articles I’ve read, I came to an understanding that:

Development also equal to greater environment problems 

This means that we will face issues such as deforestation, increase in pollution, lost of habitat for our nature and if we are not careful contributing in extinction of exotic species. The amount of carbon emission, water and air pollution that is caused by development can affect in ways that will bring harm to people’s health. Mentioned above are only part of the negative impact of development towards our environment. While there are methods to reduce issues as stated above, implementation and awareness is necessary to ensure that all parties are highly aware of the possible consequences of their actions. This does not mean that I am against developing the country, as I am well aware that we need to boost our economy more now than ever. We also can’t run away from being the cause of environmental issues because we live based on the resources we have in our country and on the land that we step. However, I do believe that modernization and development has to be done right with more weight on ensuring sustainability of resources rather than just concentrating on profit making for the economy. We need to start thinking for the long term effects and stop making short term profit at others’ expense. To do that, more work has to be done on the regulation and law as well as the proper steps for implementation. Above all this, education which I continuously mention in most of my post is so important to tackle this problem. Because it is an issue that deals with lifestyle, it can only be changed with a change in our lifestyle. This might mean changing certain things that we are so used to, probably even practices we were brought up with. But change is necessary and is a must. It’s not easy as I admit that I’m also trying to find ways to reduce my contribution towards pollution but we have to put in the effort.

We know that education is crucial in this matter. So what do we do now ? We educate ourselves. Which is why I came across this idea and I would love to work with as many people as possible on these ideas:

  • Create animated videos about different topics on environment and eco-friendly development, sustainability, eco changes in lifestyle etc etc
  • Illustrative short comic strips, short stories that can be downloaded and accessed by everyone digitally

They are just rough ideas at the moment and still need to be further developed. I know I am not well educated in all aspects of this issue especially providing information and facts therefore I would love to hear from people with different education background and skills. To make this idea happen, I also believe I do need some guidance by people who have knowledge in animated video making and animation drawing. Not exactly a talented artist you see. Let me know what you think about it and please please I do value your feedback so don’t be shy wherever you are especially to my fellow Malaysians! Let’s make these little things that we can do to bring change.

3 years in a post.

So, I know I’ve blogged about graduation but that was an emotional, rushed post using my phone , typing away in a hotel when I had a short break in between my duty as a tourist guide for my brother in London the other day. Now I’m back home in Malaysia, I’m probably going to be home for good unless I decide to work elsewhere in a few years. Nothing though beats the feeling of being back home, a place where you belong and welcomed anytime. Thankful that I have a home to come back to, can only imagine how lonely that there are some out there who are less fortunate. Anyway, got reunited with my laptop and desk so I’ll be continuing my previous post about university and a reflection of what these 3 years taught me.

For me, university life was a turning point where I learned so much, being alone far away from home and all that. I went to the UK with minimal fear as I had a partner and it’s always less scary when you’re leaving your comfort zone knowing that you’ve got somebody with you. During my first year, I was staying in an accommodation that was thirty minutes away from the campus and the area was still undergoing development so buses were not frequent. I walked almost every day and missed probably most of my 9 am lectures trying to adjust to the late bus timing and fast walking pace. Because I was far from my other Malaysian friends, I wanted more activities to be done among the Malaysian society. It was the beginning of my involvement with the Malaysian society and how I discovered my passion for fundraising. The accommodation I stayed was called The Maltings and I lived in block D, level 5 room 5 along with 5 other international housemates. We not only shared a kitchen but also shared memories together. I would usually take bus no. 61 as that is the only bus that pass through the accommodation and occassionally will buy doner kebab from the shop nearby called Albany Gardens Kebab Fish n Chips. I never liked lamb meat, it always tasted off to me but when I was in the UK, I learned how to eat it and most of the time it’ll be with rice dipped with lots of garlic mayo to kill the meat taste. It was my first year in university that I learned how to write a manifesto. Thanks to the vice president at that time who also became cultural convener and VP International later on, I got the fundraising position as part of the Malaysian society team. She taught me a lot about taking up opportunities available and even create them if it isn’t already available. Many friends have inspired me to do better in life and I’m not one that compares success but I get motivated in pursuing my own passion when I see others being passionate about theirs. So in my first year, I applied for my first job with the Students Union Finance Team as a finance assistant but got turned down because I did not fully prepared myself for the interview. I told myself that it was a good interview experience and that I shouldn’t be too bumped by it as it happens all the time in life. So I focused on whatever that was lacking, got feedback and advices on how I can improve myself during interview sessions and took notes during the Big Essex Award workshops. In spring term I then came across a frontrunner placement with the International Office. I decided to go for it and submitted my application form. The frontrunner scheme not only gave me a UK working experience but I was constantly learning new things as attending workshops was part of the placement programme. I started the frontrunner scheme when I was in my second year, throughout autumn and spring term. It was my first official job in the university and I was so pumped up about it. I also applied for the student ambassador role which I thankfully got in my second year.

Second year was a bit more organized for me. I settled in my new home which is the Tawney North Towers. Its relatively cheaper than Maltings and I could save so much from the rent. In my first year, rent was quite high and since I travelled to a few places – Cardiff, Snowdonia, Edinburgh, Glasgow, ZipWorld, Sardinia I almost had no savings left by the end of the term. So when the university offered me an accommodation with cheaper rent, I took it up without any hesitation. It was an accommodation with 11 other people in a flat and we all shared the kitchen. The plus point was that every week, my flat was the hub for fundraising preparation. Malaysians would gather to prepare food early in the morning and sometimes the night before which was really nice although tiring. Between 8 am to 3 pm on Wednesdays I would be busy running around with the team, making sure food was okay, sales done properly and everyone got their food orders. It was so funny to see random Malaysians coming down the stairs looking so basics ( me especially, in my pyjamas and sweater ) to refill hot food at the stall in Square 3. But everytime we managed to sell our food, it was the best feeling ever. It adds a smile when the locals tell us that they’ve been waiting for our food since morning or that they want the recipe because it tasted amazing. But the best feeling from our fundraising activities? It was seeing Malaysians meeting each other when they buy our food and hang out. Its when they come together and help prepare the food despite having lectures until late afternoon. You don’t always spend time with your Malaysian community because everyone has their own crowd and this was the time where we just catch up with everyone and ask if they’re doing okay. I had troubles waking up for 9 am classes but on Wednesdays, I didn’t mind at all having to wake up earlier and sleeping late the night before just so I could feel again the feeling of home in university. Of course I had to really plan my time because with 2 jobs on my plate and the fundraising position as well as my studies, I can’t really afford to be lazy. So I learned to prioritise. I spent less time exploring and streaming videos on weekends because I needed to catch up on the tutorials and sometimes even on weekends I would be working as student ambassador. The pay wasn’t too bad for both of my jobs and I enjoyed my work very much. It helped me pay for my Iceland expenses as well as my addiction to Japanese food (they’re so expensive in the UK! ). My Iceland trip was magical to be honest. I loved the atmosphere, the adventure and how calming everything was. I also went to Croatia and part of Bosnia for my spring trip in second year. Both places were just as beautiful. I enjoy travelling and going on adventures especially exploring the nature. My time in Grenoble was all about climbing mountains and walk pass scary bridges that swings when there is wind. Because of my packed schedule, I miss quite a lot of events in the UK but I never missed going to Nottingham Games, partly because a dear friend studied there. But I never really focused on anything else except what I already was focusing on. I also joined the SU pop up scheme, opened a Batik shop for 6 weeks as part of introducing Malaysian culture to the university. Then I came back during the summer and thought that it was time to do an internship. So I interned with Khazanah for 3 months, made friends throughout that short journey and learned quite a lot for an intern. The pay was also quite good. I enjoyed Friday mornings where the department will have breakfast together potluck style. It was also during that time, a few weeks after my birthday that I was not feeling the best. But putting that aside, things got better slowly with the adjustments I did. Friends were really helpful and them being there for me was all the support I needed.

My third year, I had an initial plan to simply focus on studies and life. But then I figured I had quite a lot of free time and I didn’t like having nothing to do. So I joined Kalsom as their fundraising officer, focused on my position in the Societies Guild as their charity and fundraising officer representative and applied for more jobs ! I think at one point I was addicted to work so I had to find a job. I ended up working with a start up company as their Outreach and Recruitment Officer which deals with a mixture of research and marketing. Together with another colleague, that was the first time I learned how to design a prospectus from scratch. It was a long process, from finding ideas what kind of information we want to put in the book to assembling it together with the design so that it fits the theme nicely and ensuring that its a book compact enough to fit all relevant information. My contract for that job was 12 weeks but I got offered to extend the contract. But knowing that I’ll be home in a few months and I needed the time to focus on my studies, I had to turn down the offer. I was also still working as a student ambassador but less frequent as I was focusing more on my voluntary positions. Third year was really nice in a way that I made new friends, visited friends during various events and learned about the many inspiring things that our fellow students around the world are working on. I also learned how to live on my own and care for myself (which I failed miserably at first but it got better) and it made me appreciate my alone time more than ever. I liked the feeling of coming home to my room, everything looks neat and waiting for me. Lighting up my candles after a long day of studying and work, catching up with dramas. I loved how busy life was but at the same time it was all mine as I had nothing else to worry when I was there except for myself. I didnt have to care for another or made sure that I left enough food before leaving the house to work. There were days that I was lonely and needed to talk to someone and thankfully my friends were there to listen to my emotional rants. I shared my happy moments and small success with my parents more often although they barely understand because they were not physically there with me. I tried doing new things, travelled to visit friends and enjoy the little moments where things were perfect. My room at Thomas Hopper Houses flat 3 room 4 was amazing. It was the perfect size for me, not too big and just right. I don’t really favor big spaces so the size was just perfect. I enjoyed going around the university and take random photos, knowing that I’ll be leaving soon. Sometimes I just stare at the people in the square, memorizing the atmosphere and feelings. The last few months of my final year, I studied really hard. I was afraid that I didnt have enough marks to pass but I did, thankfully. My study place to go would usually be my room where I’ll be holed up for more than 2 days before seeing the day again, the SU bar (just because I get my mocha and black coffee from the starbucks there) and sometimes the library as well as Orangery. I loved eating breakfast at the Canteen, they serve english breakfast and that’s where I learned how to eat baked beans. When I want food to go I would stop by at The Kitchen for my tuna melt panini, absolute favourite and on Thursdays I usually get pastries and cakes from the Thursday market. I loved the lamb kofta at Fusion and the chicken wrap in Frangos, absolutelt delicious especially with cheese and mushrooms as extras. I dont really fancy the burgers in Happy Days but I go there for the waffles.

Most of the time when I’m not having my alone time, working, studying or travelling I would be at Keynes North Towers penthouse where 2 of my lovely friends lived. The four of us would hang out in the living hall, do our own thing and rant at each other in between breaks. I usually have my meals there too because I hardly cook. Then sometimes I would invite my other friend who’s a walking inspiration over a meal when I feel like cooking proper food. Cooking with housemate and best friend was done sometimes when we have free time. After exams was over, it was time for Ramadhan and this was the first year I welcomed Ramadhan away from home. I had my first tarawih with the important people in my life and couldnt have done it any differently. There were a few sad news this year but I am ever grateful for all the little things in life. I came back over the sunmer and went back for a week to attend my graduation. Alhamdulillah your girl got a first class honours in her degree and she was so thankful that she managed to pull through her degree life. This year taught me a lot and several events in life got me leaning closer and closer towards the Almighty. I cried and asked for help from the One that could make the impossible possible. I didn’t cry anymore having no anchor in my life because I now know that the anchor I was desperately looking for lies in His answers.

Degree life taught me so much but it is not the end of me learning as we all continuously learn in life. I can’t tell what the future holds but at least I know now that I won’t back down easily anymore. I came out stronger and wiser ( insyaAllah ) and I hope that with the knowledge and lessons I’ve gained during my degree years, it’ll help me be wiser in facing my future aspirations.

So this is it, my super long post ( probably the longest ) about my degree. You can’t rewind your degree life so the best you can do is to remember every memory , every detail and this is what I’m doing by typing it here.

Grad ? *gasp

So yesterday, your girl finally graduated with honours in Accounting and Finance. Yes, graduated although I’m still having a hard time digesting the fact that I’ve completed my tertiary education. When I got my result, the initial reaction was just a mere ‘oh yay’ and I felt mostly relief. I wasn’t really excited about the graduation ceremony because I was already back home and the lazy side of me was being lazy about going back for graduation. But I am so so happy that I decided to attend the ceremony because it was such a beautiful moment. I get to see students like me graduating and being celebrated by their loved ones, the atmosphere at university was really amazing and cheerful it gave me instant dose of happiness. I went for my graduation, took my certificate and when I went back to the accommodation only I had time to see my certificate. Okay, no kidding but when I saw my cert I teared a bit. It’s overwhelming but a mixed feelings of every other emotions. I know I’m not describing it well but I want to pour this thought although I am super sleepy and having difficulties to form the right sentences.

3 years in the UK, a single piece of paper but it is a paper that means so much to me. I almost cried thinking the fact that I got through it all despite having part time jobs and voluntary positions during the term. All those nights, those sleepless nights where I couldn’t even afford to sleep because the moment I lie on the bed I start to worry if I’ve studied enough and end up waking up again to study until morning. Every day was a constant mix of worry and pushing myself to study as much as I can because I can’t afford to waste time (that typical last minute revision). The past 3 years was amazing but I was handling a lot more during my final year. I enjoy working so I gave the internship scheme a shot, preparing my interview the night before with few hours of sleep. Learned a lot through my voluntary positions which is always exciting and challenging. I was also travelling a lot during my final year and in between prepared for work interviews.

I have to admit that some days I don’t take good care of myself. Some days I hole up in the room, do my thing and just shut myself from the world. And then there were days that my body just decided to stop functioning on its own because its reached the maximum stress level. Final year was so meaningful because I went through it alone for the first time in my 3 years of degree. I had friends obviously but I was focusing more on myself this year. I realised that self growth is personal and we can’t really drag people with us if we want to grow. So much of the experiences I went through this year taught me about maturity, emotions and most importantly responsibilities. I realised that loving someone doesn’t mean you have to be with them all the time. You gotta let your partner grow at their own pace too. And that nobody is perfect. A good laugh on rainy days are always the best medicine to cure heartache. Apples are the food to go when you’re sick. Black coffee will give you the strength to stay awake and focus. If you’re stressed, take some time off and do what you like. No way you’ll be productive if you sit in your room for days without seeing the sunlight. Exercising helps with the stress, a lot. Surround yourself with people that constantly challenge themselves. You’ll automatically be motivated to explore your own potentials. Eat your instant noodles with veggies and protein (so you can tell yourself that it’s not exactly unhealthy). This one is important – you don’t need to have many friends and be likeable by everyone. You just need a few that truly understand and matters to you. It’s always easier to be nice to people. Take random videos of moments spent with friends and family, they will be precious to you. Explore the world ! Can’t stress that enough. Always find excuse to learn new things and listen to others before forming your own opinions.

Then there is this one lesson – never ever look down on yourself. It’s fine to be in doubt but don’t sell yourself short. You are a precious human being, well loved by God and every day is a new day for you to improve yourself. Never let people make you feel small and weak to the point that it destroys yourself.

Final year was one important year to me. It taught me so much, made me understand a lot and realise the greatness of His power. It taught me to be consistent in my efforts and to always pray that my efforts will be rewarded. It was a year, but so much more than just another year.

That’s what that single certificate mean to me. I have no idea what lies ahead but I am thankful and blessed with all the years that was given to me and the lessons learned while I was abroad.

If this don’t make sense I’m sorry because this is me typing while I’m half asleep. I just wanted to type down this feelings so that I’ll never forget what graduation did to my emotions. And here’s to a new phase in life, meeting new inspiring people and bringing change to the world every day.

say no to bullying.

Malaysia mourns once again as another child lost his life due to bullying and abuse. Nhaveen, an 18 year old student from Penang had serious injuries including burns on his back and there were signs that a blunt object was shoved into his anus. His friend who was with Nhaveen at that moment, went through a surgery as he fractured his bone beneath the eye. According to the news, this was done by five youths who were also their ex-schoolmates. Not long ago, Malaysians were shocked to discover news about the death of a university student due to abuse as well. The student who was a naval cadet in National Defense University of Malaysia tragically lost his life due to torturing by his colleagues. He suffered severe injuries including second and third degree burns on 80% of his body. No excuse is acceptable for both incident which is now classified as murder and under investigation so justice can take place.

These incidents are a wake up call for Malaysians that there is a rise in bullying and abuse and we cannot deny this fact any longer especially when lives are lost in such brutal and inhumane manner. We have to start asking ourselves the big question here; why and what should you do ? Our kids are exposed to violence at such early age and are raised in an environment where bullying is normal. This is wrong. As parents, teachers and even as one of the youth it is our duty to educate ourselves and the people around us especially those who are younger that respect for others is important and there is no such thing as allowed bullying. Schools must change the famous traditional ways of ‘ragging’ where it involves violence and abuse these days. The initial reasoning for ragging was to discipline but often the authority given is abused and used with personal agenda without any guidelines which should not be the case. Punishments are not meant to take away lives or injure a person. I personally do not believe in educating through physical punishments but I respect that not everyone share the same view as I do. Even if a person were to choose physical punishments, there has to be boundaries of what they are allowed to do and not do. Those two boys who got killed due to bullying were not just students. They were someone’s child, a brother to their siblings and they were kids with dreams. As a human, who are we to take that away from others? It is important to educate the young that we should not act carelessly as lives cannot be revived. We are not allowed to harm others like as if they are dolls. Teach our children not to react to situation with abusive manner but to go around it with logical sense and rationality. Do not expose them to violence at a young age, making them think violence is fun and exciting. Instead, guide them about how to manage difficult situations when they are in schools or away from us. We have to teach our kids moral values and proper manners and home is the best place to start. A child is born to this world with a blank canvas. The family, the surroundings shape them to be who they are today. In a way, we are all responsible to create a safe environment for our kids as well as for all of us. Educate our kids about the kind of bullying that happens in this world and the measures they can take if they are bullied. Inform them about what to do in any case that a bullying occur and who they can go to. But most importantly, always be there for your kids. Create a safe space for them so they can speak freely to you with any problems they face, no matter how minor it is. You don’t necessarily have to be a parent to do this, you could be a sibling, a teacher, a friend, a school bus driver or even anyone. This is a shared duty we all carry to provide a safe nation for all. Reach out to as many people as we can and if you are unsure how you can help, direct them to those who knows how to.

Here are some questions for you. Have you ever been bullied ? How do you manage it ? Did you go to someone and talk about it or were you afraid to tell anyone ?

Click the link below for more information about the questions I mentioned:

shareyourstory