Yet another sappy post about life and updates.
It’s Sunday and while many exhale gladly that the weekend is here, I’m just thankful I got a few extra hours of sleep last night. My laptop was neglected for the past four days, settling on my table collecting dust and I’m falling behind with all the tv shows ( my source of stress reliever).
The past few days have been hectic, yes that goes without saying as it already have been that way since Eid Adha but even more than the usual hectic. After spending weeks at the hospital, it’s finally time to recuperate at home. Sounds amazing, isn’t it except it’s not really ‘time to go back, we’re done!’ kind of situation. Things are a lot tougher at home because you gotta be the nurse, manage the house and with all that going on, try to focus on your own survival too. Not to mention how difficult it is to be out but I’m not too fussy about seeing the outside world for now. Managing time was so crucial because every three hours, it’s time for feeding and this isn’t some kind of normal feeding but ones that involve tubes, syringes and measuring cylinder. It still makes me nervous, the whole feeding process. One mistake and that’s it we got to make our way to the hospital again. So I pretty much work my way round the three hour schedule which starts at six in the morning every day. Yes, no more sleeping in for the day because it’s the weekend. It’s not exactly helpful that we lost our maid, again so I’m taking over for now and cleaning this house ain’t easy. The more I think about what needs to be done, the more I find it impossible so I end up telling myself to take it one at a time.
Nobody in this house says it but we all know that we’re all just barely living here. My brother’s been going everywhere sorting things outside that needs to be sorted out for the house, comes back and help me with the dishes, rubbish and even the laundry. All that while making sure he completes his duties at work and catch up with his MBA studies. Mom, she’s tired that’s for sure but she’s bracing it through like the superwoman she is. And all this made me think about how unrealistic it is if I were to whine and complain about this exhaustion.
But then, I’m thankful. Thankful for the people who are constantly in my life making me feel that it’s not too bad. Thankful because despite all this tiredness, we still could make jokes and laugh over the silly mistakes. My family isn’t perfect, but it’s a family I truly needed. I wouldn’t pick another if I had a choice, because they’re the kind of family that fits perfectly with me, flaws and all. And the people I love, my friends, I’m just so grateful that they exist as my friends. Their existence itself can already make me smile, what more getting random texts from them about their daily lives or listening to their rants. It helps with trying to survive here and I’m so so thankful that they’re always around to entertain my ‘what are you doing today’ and ‘this meme is so funny’. A friend of mine asked me if I was okay, if I needed to talk about everything and all I could say is what’s there to talk about? Some things are beyond us and talking is unlikely going to solve the issue and it will do things to my emotions and it’s not like we can do anything if we put our minds together to it. I’d prefer talking about those in my prayers. But then I told my friend that talking about everything else mundane, about our daily lives, about that traffic jam or really just whatever you’re up to, that really helps. I don’t know if they know it but those kind of conversation keeps me going even when I’m tired. Those kind of conversation are silent shouts to say that ‘you matter and I want to share this with you’ and that’s how my friends, they’re doing nothing out of ordinary but actually doing something so important to me. And it’s comforting to know that you are loved, although it’s not exactly put down in words but it is there.
I think I don’t say it enough because I’m so bad at expressing my feelings in words but I’m so grateful for the times that friends really just text me saying random things, sending photos of what they’re up to regardless of the different time zone and all those text notifications late at night making me think there’s an emergency. It mattered to me. And that’s how I learn to be okay even when nothing is okay. It’s enough to know that despite there are sad things going on in life, there are good ones happening at the same time too.
Things are too much for me, but they are bearable thanks to the people I love dearly. Thanks to all those random strangers that made my day by posting ridiculous memes or incredible photos of the world or whatever it is that they do so awesomely. I guess that’s how we learn to smile, by seeing the happiness of others and letting it make you feel it again.